Buhay nga naman. Nakakaloka! Lalo na AKO!

Tagalog ito para mas madali isulat at basahin ng kapwa ko Pinoy. Ito na ang pinakanakakaloka kong entry. Ang tungkol sa aking buhay Pag-ibig.

Kamakailan lang, super shout out ako sa mga entry ko na inlove ako sa ex ko, which happens to be my first boy friend. Nagbreak kami ng Jacob ko [not his real name] tas “parang" naging kami ulit ni 1st jowa. Pero masasabi kong di kami pormal na naging kami ulit. I just felt inlove ako sa kanya.

1 month din yun. Nagkikita kami. Magkasama. Nagsimba. Nagpunta sa bahay ng isa’t isa. Pero andun yung pakiramdam na“parang may mali talaga”. Tama siya. Masyadong mabilis ang mga pangyayari. At kahit siya pansin nya yun. At ako ang hindi pumansin dun. Wala akong pakialam. Basta pakiramdam ko masaya ako ok na yun.

Wala siyang trabaho. Stop sa school. Tambay in short. But I chose to love him, kahit sabi ng Mama ko kung dun daw sa isa may magandang future ako, where in tama naman talaga ang Nanay ko. Wala akong future sa taong pinili ko. Dahil sa ngayon, ZERO talaga siya. Magulo din ang utak nya tulad ko. Ang pinagkaiba nga lang, magulo ang utak ko sa pagdating sa love life.

Para sakin, walang kaso kung wala siyang trabaho. Napakabait nyang tao. Walang paglagyan ang kabaitan sa kanya. Lagi siyang nakatawa – nakangiti. Minsan nga kahit di nakakatawa para sakin tuwang tuwa parin siya eh. Weird na tuloy. Masaya naman akong kasama siya, hanggang sa dumating ang araw na kinatatakutan ko.Ang mawala na naman bigla ang nararamdaman ko. Ang saktan ulit ang taong una kong sinaktan.

Hindi ko sinasadyang paasahin siya. Alam ko sa sarili ko MAHAL na MAHAL ko siya. Pero hindi pa pala ako handa sa bagong relasyon. Hindi pa pala ako handang magmahal ulit. Sabay biglang naramdaman ko na naman ang bagay na ayaw ko. Biglang nawala ang pagmamahal ko para sa kanya. Nakakaloka di ba? Sabay ng pagka inlove ko sa kanya ay ang pagdating ng mga problema sa buhay ko. Kelangan ko na naman ata siyang isacrifice para maayos ang mga problemang kinakaharap ko.

Naiiyak ako. Naiisip kong habang sinusulat ko ito hinhintay niya ang text ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano magpapaalam. Ayaw ko siyang saktan ulit. Ipinangako kong hinding hindi ko na siya iiwan. Pero kelangan kong lumayo ulit. Pakiramdam ko gusto kong mapag-isa. Gusto kong lasapin ang presence ng pagiging SINGLE ko. Gusto kong ayusin ang mga problema ko ng mag-isa. Gusto kong ayusin nya muna ang magulo nyang mundo bago yung samin. Hindi ko siya PRIORITY in short. Pero alam ko Mahal ko siya. 

Ito na ang pinakamalungkot na entry ko. Kelangan kong ilabas dahil wala akong mapagsabihan. Naiiyak na naman ako. Sana hindi niya isiping ang Jacob ko ang dahilan ng pagiging malamig ko sa kanya. DAHIL AKO ANG PROBLEMA AT WALA NANG IBA.

P.S.

Alam kong babasahin mo ito. Sana maintindihan mo ako. Tanggap kita sa kung ano ka pa. I’m sorry.

Mahal na mahal kita.

This Day on the The First Month.

Well.. What do we have on this day? This is the first month of my Single hood. Yessss. My single hood. This is the day that I broke up with my Jacob a month ago.
Within the 1 month break-up lots of things just happened faster than I expected. Everything that is happening now, they're not usual for a couple who were just from a break up.
Here are the things:

• My 1st bf accepted me as fast as a man can do. - I can just feel his LOVE for me. He is so deeply inLOVE with me? I think so. We weren't yet admitting that we're together. We were just enjoying the presence of each other. Slightly committed. Weirdly in LOVE. *sigh* I really can't explain. Everything was so fast for us to admit that we were not yet ready to be "in a relationship" status with each other.

• My Jacob get used to it. - here's the saying. We never really move on.. We get used to it! That is what he believes. And so he did. He get use to it. Accepted that we can't be together but FRIENDS anymore. How long did he took to get to use to it? He just accepted it within a week. WTH?! That fast? I really can't imagine how he managed to be with me without feeling any pain. And I feel guilty. *sigh*

• He got a new GIRL. - yes. The title speak itself. My Jacob just got a new one. And the funny thing? He use to tell me stories about the girl. How he addressed it as dinosaur or dino for short. How the girl managed to let him feel what she feel. How that young lady think every time her instincts say that he is talking to me. Wahaha! I admit I feel jealous at times. Here I am, feeling guilty of what I did to him, yet, there he is playing at a young lady's feelings. I don't know what exactly is up to his mind regarding the girl but I don't feel comfortable. I can't say its jealousy, but it doesn't feel good for me.

And the last but not the least..

• KARMA?! - karma. It's what I'm feeling this past few days. After we broke up he has been getting lots of surprises for himself. He just got promoted and now currently on a training for the promotion. He got a new business. Got the opportunities to buy a new house [aside from the house that his paying located at Cavite] and a car. The last to blessings are still opportunities for him to think and to take. And I feel sad for myself. For I received the problems I never imagined to have. I got another money issue problem. And now I don't know how am I gonna pay all the debt. I did it to help him. He said it's for the good. And I helped. I really don't want to think of anything about my financial problem but they use to knock on my head and say "Hey! I'm a problem you know! You must think of a solution for me!" Oh my! I think I'm gonna cry. Is this what I get from hurting someone? I really can't take everything in control. I can't help it but I feel like I wanna cry. *sigh*

I really don't want to feel sad. I keep on helping myself to smile. It's my only escape. A big smile. Through out all this I only lift everything to one person. Happiness or Sadness.. I lift them up to you Lord! You're all I have.
*sigh*

Welcome Back! Multiply! ♥

I was chatting with my Jc when he said he has something to send on my e-mail. Without anything on my mind I opened my email account and saw an old picture of the two of us together. I was skinnier back then. His even thinner unlike today – who seemed fat.


The picture brought back memories. Then I remember I still have my old Multiply account that has not been opened for years. I tried to open it again and saw that there are still photos of just the two of us. Lovely. Funny. We were both laughing at how we used to be when we were younger. Sweet. ♥


I’m bringing back my Multiply account and I’m loving it.

Hail to Yeng Constantino!

Actually, di ko feel magsulat ng kahit na ano ngayon. Nibuksan ko lang ‘tong blog site ko. Wondering what to write I decided to read my friends’ posts tas tapos na. Then, I saw Yeng Constantino’s name on my Famous peoplelist. Binuksan ko para sa wala lang. Tas nakita ko ito. Ang haba ng nakasulat na description kaya di ko na binasa lahat. Tinatamad ako magbasa eh. Haha! So I decided to watch this video nalang.

Natuwa naman ako sa napanood ko. SUPER LIKE! It reminds me of how I love my friends so much. Nagustuhan ko talaga ng bongga ‘tong video nya. Plus pa yung nakita ko si Paul Ibarra [classmate ko siya nung college] kasama siya sa music video [dahil ka band mate nya si Yeng] natuwa ako lalo. Idol ko yun eh. I liked his new hair do! Hindi na mukhang hindi nagsusuklay. Haha. I even used to be his diary. Hmmm. Let’s just say, he just shared a lot of things he use to hide to everyone with me. He’s a good friend talaga nung di pa siya sikat at hanggang ngayon parin naman.  Yesssss! May credits para kay Paul? Haha!

Wag na by Yeng Constantino – like! 

Freakin' Sunday

And its Sunday! .. again. I was about to attend my niece’s baptism when my mother just ruined my day. Yes! She just did. I was already dressed up and about to put on some make-up when my mom started to say my dress is UGLY. trying to defend my style I was smiling then she suddenly tell that people will laugh at me. And there she won.

I’m used to her attitude. Ever since I was a child I never felt any support from her. Even a simple thing that I did, I’ve never seen her happy for me. But still, it’s okay with me. I don’t want to argue with her. I just don’t like to hear judgments, suggestions, insults, etc. being whispered unto my ears. So I decided to not come for my own mother’s sake. She don’t want me on that dress so I’m not wearing it and I’m not coming with them. Haha!

And now, I’m so bored. I just finished watching P.S. I Love You and I loved it. It got me teary eyed. I’ll give 5 stars for my new favorite movie.
..But still nothing changed unto what I feel right now. I feel like I want to go to the mall, watch a movie, eat pizza, drink coffee, in other words, do the usual thing me and my Jacob used to do when were still together. I kinda miss those stuffs. I’m not missing the guy, but I miss doing those kind of stuffs. *sigh*


I am just not in the mood right now. Moodless. Bored. Lonely. What a day!


P.S.
Sunday! You’re freakin’ me out.

Our BOSS. Our FATHER.

Yesterday was a day to remember. Our team had a "despidida" party. It's our Boss' last week with us. He'll be transfered to another office, very long distant from us.




Boss Nestor P. Dalipe, our Boss and sometimes called "Tatay".  He has been the scariest part of my life. I remember when I was still a Probi, he use to use bad words as his expressions. He even scolded me during a meeting when he caught me laughing with a co-worker. That was so scary for me. I feel like I'm about to cry by that time. But as days goes by, I slowly get to learn his attitude, his tantrums, his expressions.




In my 3 years of experience at work, I'm already used with Boss Nes. And now that he'll be transfered to another office, I can say, I will him. He used to be my tutor. He taught me one-on-one. I know how much he wanted to learn. I know how much expectation he has towards me.




And I promise, I will be what he want me to be. Soon he'll be so proud of me. One day he'll say that he was never wrong on accepting me as his very 1st Lady Technician.




Thank You so much Boss. You will always be my Boss. :)

2011 Surprises..

I was just thinking what 2011 would give this past few days. Yet, slowly, I didn’t notice, this year got me full of surprises.  (And I think I’m loving it.)

• Usher’s VP

Before 2010 ends, during our ministry’s Christmas Party, we voted for our new set of Officers for the year 2011. And badly, I was elected as the new Vice President  for Internal Affairs. Crap! I thought I graduated already with the leadership issues. I never thought I’ve got lots of respect from my girls.

It’s not that I don’t want the position. It’s just that I don’t think I’m still fit for the responsibility for in fact I am busy with my work. I only get to serve one mass every Sunday until baptism. Sunday is my only “rest day“ still I chose to serve though I don’t have enough rest left for myself.

We did our very 1st meeting with the old officers yesterday. We talked lots of things. We even get to deliberate our members. It’s hard for me, but because we lack of budget we have to eliminate some inactive members. We need uniform, I hate to do that but I even decided to take them off the list since they were not showing their interest on the service anymore (for some reasons we don’t know because they don’t even inform us.) *sigh*

• Career : Here I come!

And now I can say, my career is moving just like the speed of how I drive a car. At first its slow like a turtle but suddenly gets faster as I shift the gear to the 2nd – to the 3rd. 

Last week our Distribution Engineer just asked me if I want to undergo RME [Registered Master Electrician] review. I’m really undecided. I feel like I wanted to experience it yet I’m afraid I will get to fail on it. I know it’s hard. I’ll be using my brains again. He didn’t my “Maybe” answer so I decided to say “YES”.

Whew! The  review will start on Feb. 19, 2011. I’m excited but I’m nervious. Wiiiiih! If I get to pass this thing I’m sure i’ll get the promotion I’ve been waiting for 3 years. 

I know, LORD will guide me.

P.S.

Driving is fun. I actually drive with my shoes OFF. 

DRIVE!

Yes! I  did it! For my 3 years of existence at MERALCO I experienced to drive a company vehicle on my own risk. Though it’s not the total driving experience it’s unforgettable.  It’s my very 1st time to drive a company vehicle using my own name written on the driving form ( VEA ).

Nervous. My hands are shaking and feeling cold. My heart is beating faster than its normal beat. It was soooo SCARY. I think I was about to cry when people are getting nervous when I started the engine. I even got panicked. *sigh*

I started the engine and drove it until I reached the nearest gasoline station. My buddy and I switched places. It’s his turn. I know I’m not yet ready to handle the wheel but I have to. “Kung di ko lang kelangang mapromote hindi aq magmamaneho eh.” That’s what my mind said. But seriously, I would love to learn. I wanna see myself driving on the road by my own. Trusted by everybody, trusted by my own spirit.

And because it’s my 1st time I took some pictures. 

♥ it!

New Year Wish List..

I’ve been thinking, I haven’t experienced jotting down things that I want to receive as Christmas gifts – a Christmas wish list. Since Christmas is over (for the thinking of most people) I have here my New Year wish list. This are the things that I want to have and I must have for this entire year. They got different identifications so I grouped them down.
* This must be redundant, because one of my entry already has a wish list on it but this is the “specific” one.

• I want to have – this are the not-so-important things that I wish to have in a “want” basis. They aren’t needed in my life but I can’t help to think how it feels to have this things.
  

1. an iPod touch / iPad
2. a Laptop
3. a new cell phone

- this are “materialistic” but I wished this on myself not on to others.

• I must have – this are my “needs”. This are the things that aren’t only for me but also to my younger siblings – preferably to my family.

1. a House of my own [my dream one]
2. a car [must be pink or gray]
3. a steady financial source

And so this is it. Simple, materialistic things that would make me happy for the entire year. But there are two things that can’t be bought that just made me happy. My GOD and the thought of being INLOVE.


I will always be thankful for everything. No buts, rather full of ANDS.

New Year sadness..

I just found out. Our dog BODGIE just died last December 31, 2010, few hours before the new year comes. He went to where Chu-chi was buried.

It’s the 1st sad thing that I get to know with this year. What’s next?

1.1.11

1.1.11. The first day of year 2011. This whole day I’ve been thinking on what to write as my very first entry for the very 1st on the year. As I think, I reminisce. *sigh* I can say that it’s been awhile for everything.
I just thought :

• I’m already a 3-year employee at my work.
• I’m 23years old and I’m getting older.
• I just had my worst nightmare at our previous residence.
• I had my 2nd boyfriend but chose to break his heart.
• I experienced PREX at our Parish.
• I  got the biggest debt to pay EVER!
• I cried a lot, laughed a lot, missed a lot, LOVE a lot.

I even get to think what I want to have within this year.
I wish to have :

• a House of my own
• a Laptop
• an iPOD touch / iPAD
• a digicam
• a new phone
• a HAPPY – CONTENTED – STEADY relationship with the one I know I love aside from my GOD.

JORGE CHRISTOPHER G. BURGOS — I Love You! ♥

I don’t know what’s waiting for me in this year. I realized its the YEAR of the METAL RABBIT. It’s my year. I’m a rabbit-borned person. That put a smile on my face. I wonder what this year would give me. *sigh* I just hope for everything to be fine.

I know I don’t have to wish for my creator’s love for me for His love is undying. He is my LOVE and my PRIORITY.

GOD — I Love You MOST! ♥

And so I posted this at my facebook account.

“Contented and Happy. Welcome 2011. Embrace me with full of LOVE as I welcome you in my LIFE. :] ♥”


Welcome Year of the Rabbit! Welcome Year 2011! ♥